Deidara's New Headache, Pain's new fear and Hidan's new Rival
by blackandbloodyroses
Summary: Deidara & Tobi are sent to find a new member, but when they find one the whole team wonders if she is even worth the trouble of keeping. rated M to be safe
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my second time trying to publish, so I really have no idea what I'm doing, so dont hate me. Your advice is welcome, and if you like it let me know so that I can put more, ok?**

I was walking through a huge forest with towering trees, listening to my MP3 when I ran smack dab into somebody.

"Ow! Sorry about that I wasn't paying attention."

When I looked up I saw it was Deidara and Tobi. YES! Finally I had found them. (Although I was only looking for their base but hey, this works!)

"You had bettter watch where you'er gonig girl,before I decide to blow you up! Un!"

"B-B-but sempai, she's just a girl, be nice!"

Hearing Tobi call me a 'just a girl' hit a major button, but I was carefull to hide it.

"Fine, Tobi" he said, and then turned to glare at me.

"But you had better watch it, punk."

I just laughed. Deidara was giving me a WTF look and Tobi was just staring at me interestedly. If Deidara thought me a punk now, he would be in for a shocker soon.

"Alright, what the fuck is so godamned funny!?"

"You, Deidara, Thinking I'm a punk just for running into you, Your going to start hating me!"

"I'm already starting to hate you, and why do you talk like I'm going to see you again?"

I finally stopped laughing and straightened myself up. I couldn't supress my giggles very well, though.

"Because you will see me again." I said between giggles.

"Not if I kill you first!"

He swung his fist around and was going to pound my face in when I stopped him short.

"But what about that mission Pain gave you?"

"Huh? What about the mission? How do you even know we have a mission, and how did you know my name!?"

"Oh, easy, Your Usually on a mission when your not at the base, and I don't think you would go anywhere with Tobi unless you were forced to, and since he is your partner he has to go with you on your missons. You hate him. To no end."

"Damn right about the last part, but what does me killing you have to do with our mission? And that dosen't answer my question of how you know my name."

Tobi was just studying me with keen interest and remaining absolutly silent. Dun-dun-dun-dun-duuuuuuuuunnnnnn.(cue creepy music)

"I've been watching you Dedara, and it's simple really, Your mission is to find someone worth recuiting and if you kill me it'll make your mission last that much longer."

I gave him my prettiest smile. It didn't work. This time he was the one laughing. I just raised an eyebrow and waited.

About half an hour later he fianally stopped.

"Are you finished now?" I asked him.

"No, not really," He had another fit of laughter. "I just think it's funny that a little girl like you thinks that she could be in the Akatsuki, that's all."

That was it. I had had enough of being called 'little girl' and was going to put a stop to it. 'Cause right now, I was seriously, seriously, **pissed**!

"Oh _really_, and just how the fuck do you think _a little girl_ could know your name, what your missions are, and the fact that you can't stand Tobi!?"

He immediatly stopped laughing. We just glared at eachother.

"Just saying."

I said and walked off.


	2. Chapter 2

** Well, I finally figured out how to add another chapter, :D and reviews help a lot, so tell me what you think!**

He stood there dumbfounded then ran to catch up with me. For the longest time he followed me, hounding me with questions. Who was I, Where was I from, What could I do, all that shit. It was starting to irritate me, but not nearly as much as my silence irritated him. It was kinda funny. Until Tobi decided to butt in.

"Hey, Sempai? Why don't you just fight her and get her to come back with us. That way she'll have to answer you."

Deidara seemed to think that was a brilliant idea. I didn't.

"Gee, thanks Tobi. I really needed a pointless fight to waste my time."

Deidara just smirked, underestimating my abilities like all the rest of them. So I just returned it with an innocent smile. He scowled back. I laughed.

"How about you go first?" Deidara said, "You really look like you need a handicap."

"Fuck you."

Not even realizing I did it I darted forward and kicked him in his teeth. Another phone call to **1-800-TOOTHFAIRY**.

He stumbled back on his heels clutching his mouth. Without giving Deidara time to recover I spun on my heel and clocked him in the side of the head with my foot. He hit the ground. Hard. He wasn't geting back up for a while. I leaned around him and inspected his head. It was bleeding badly and a huge welt was begining to form. I chuckled lightly to myself.

Tobi walked over and peered over me at Deidara. Even with his mask on I could tell he was smirking. I stood up and stretched.

"So how goes life running the Akatsuki, Madara-San?"

He did a double take and looked ready for a fight.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, hold it. I'm not trying to rat you out or anything, I'm just askin' you a question."

"How do you know who I am?"

"That, I can explain in a few simple words. But I would prefer it to be when we get to the base."

Madara stared at me then straightened his stance, but didn't let his guard down an inch. Figures. I would be worried if he did.

I turned around and leaned over to pick Deidara up and then felt the cool underside of kuni pressed up against my neck.

"And just how do I know I can trust you?"

I closed my eyes in irritation.

"I don't know, why don't you find that out for yourself?"

In one swift motion I threw Madara back behind me and turned the kuni on him. I knew he couldn't use a substitution jutsu, I wouldn't let him. (Chakra control for the win.) He just stared at me for a while, he didn't have his mask on. He looked really cute for a nintey-year old.

"If you don't trust me you're not the first and definintaly won't be the last one. But I don't care If you trust me or not, I'm going into the Akatsuki on personal bussiness, and it has nothing to do with you so fuck off!"

I stood abrubtly from my crouching postion on the ground and lifted Deidara up. I would have slung him over my shoulder but his head was still bleeding so I had to carry him bridal style. (shut up shut up shut up shut up!)

Without turning around I called to Madara and asked him to lead us to the base.

"Why don't we just use Deidara-Sempai's clay bird?"

He was back to being Tobi now.

"I don't know if we can use that Tobi, can you summon it?"

I asked turning back to him, talking in my kindergarden teacher voice.

He just stared at me for awhile thinking and then shrugged. I smirked and then raised my hand as if to wave at an airplane and then flicked my wrist. There stood Deidara's clay bird in all it's feathery clayish glory. Tobi just stared at it in wonder then jumped on with me following. I laid Deidara down and then stood up.

"Off we go, then!"

We were flying for a little while when Tobi-ahem Madara-turned to me,

"How could you summon Deidara's bird? I'm fairly sure you've never seen him summon it before, and it's a jutsu he made."

I just laughed.

"I've seen him summon it before, just not in the sense you're thinking of, and I'll explain it later. I don't want to have to repeat the same story ten or eleven times."

He raised a questioning eyebrow at me. I just flashed him a grin. I really didn't want to explain how I had seen it, that was just too personal. In truth, it really wasn't the Akatsuki base I was looking for, but it was the only place I could start looking without being sucpicious. It was just safer that way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so I'm not getting any feedback on this, so I'm discontinuing it. This is the last chapter I'm posting.**

5 HOURS LATER...  
"Nyuuuuuhh..."  
Deidara's moan sounded like a dying man's call for water. I choked back a laugh. I turned back to him brightly and exclamed,  
"Morning, sunshine! Time to wake up and smell the copper fear!"  
Now both him annnd Tobi were giving me WTF looks and I just kept on grining like an idiot.  
"Copper fear? Seriously, girl, WTF is up with that?"  
"Sempai! Don't talk like that in front of a girl! It's not nice!"  
I just laughed out loud. I was really going to like hanging out with these guys.  
"Tobi, First, I'm going to cuss like a sailor 24/7 so it really dosen't bother me, second, my name is not girl, it's Marilyn."  
"Well, then, Marilyn, I don't suppose you could tell me what's going on? And what the hell 'copper fear' means?"  
"Oh, you went unconcious after I kicked you in the head about 5 hours ago and then-"  
"I'VE BEEN UNCONCIOUS FOR 5 HOURS!? WHAT THE FUCKIN' HELL!?"  
I couldn't hold it in any longer, I just exploded laughing. Unfortunatly I was laughing so hard that I fell off of Deidara's bird. I felt the wind rushing out from underneath me, as if it was in a hurry to see me hit the hard earth. And I did hit ground. Face first.  
"Owwww... Dammn it."  
I rolled over onto my back and and laid there, looking up at the clouds. Then I spyed Deidara flipping me off and I could hear his distant laughter. I smiled up at him and gave a little wave. I couldn't see it but I could tell he was glaring at me. Grining, I propped myself up on my elbows and turned to the sky.  
That was another thing I hadn't been alowed to do, look at the sky, or the ground for that matter. I alway's had to keep my head up straight and look down on the 'lower classes'. I hated it, but I was free now. Free to see the sky and the earth, free to pick my studies (or none at all), and most of all... I was free to pick my suitors. I could have any man I chose, I even had one already picked, now I just had to find him...  
I decided to wait for Madara to come back looking for me, I knew he had to. The curiosity burning in him would be to great for him to mind his own fukin' buisness (Like I said, cussin' like a sailor). I got bored so I made a little camp, complete with a full size tent, a cooking pot, (Not to be confused with chamber pots! Thats what trees and bushes are for, people!) and tons of fish. (Not any of Kisame's relatives, mind you Kisame fangirls.)  
After downing twenty pounds of tuna and enough river water to drown the Iffel Tower (You people have no idea how many times I have been confused with an Acemechi!) I decided to sleep. Sort of. See, I really don't sleep I just slow down all my body functions so that it looks like I'm sleeping. It helps when you get raided at two in the morning. Believe me, I've seen it happen.  
Madara got there faster than I thought he would. I was laying down and his shadow fell across my sleeping bag. (Don't ask where I got all this camping stuff, seriously, just don't).  
"You look so innocent when your sleepnig, you know that?"  
"Remind me to make a note of that." I replied without moving.  
He just laughed and sat down next to me.  
"So would you care to explain why you didn't come chasing after us?"  
I sat up and looked at him to answer.  
"Well then it would have made me seem like a second Tobi, and I don't think anyone would want that, let alone Deidara."  
He just chuckled and took his mask off. He put his chin in his hand and gave me a teasing look.  
"But what if Tobi want's someone to play with and talk to?" He said in a coy cutesy Tobi voice.  
I just had to grin at that one, Madara could lay it on thick.  
"Only if Tobi can score me a spot in the akatsuki." I gave him my pretty smile. This time it worked. He put his finger on the tip of my nose and said,  
"Okay, fine. Tobi can get you into the akatsuki, but you have to do something for Tobi."  
I smiled and looked up at him.  
"Alright. What does Tobi want?"  
"Tobi want's to know why Marilyn want's to be in the Akatsuki." He said suddenly serious.  
I sighed in defeat.  
"I'm looking for a man."  
He just stared at me as if I were a new species while blinking every so often. I stared at him blankly until he finally made a reply.  
"You can buy them off the black market you know."  
"I shouldn't have even told you I was looking for one."  
"I refuse to let you in the Akatsuki if you don't tell me why. How am I suppossed to know your not a spy? If the only reason you want in the Akatsuki is to find him then your just using us, and that dosen't sound to fair now does it?"  
"No, it dosen't but you wouldn't want such an innocent looking girl walking around knowing who you are now would you?"  
Another pretty smile and he just glared at me.  
"Fine. But while your in the Akatsuki I'm going to be watching you."  
"Works for me." I said and shrugged.  
Madara stood up and replaced his mask. He motioned me to follow him and we went in search of the blonde headed play girl.

**Bye Bye! (Mrs. Doubtfire voice)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sorry to disappoint you guys who were following it, but I've discontinued it. I just thought I would let you know. I thought it was weird that there were people following it.**


End file.
